Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Throwing in the towel

Let's face it I could wax on for thirty days about things you shouldn't do with a library book.  From using them for coasters to babies spitting up on them there really is a limitless number of things that just shouldn't happen.  So time to move on to bigger, better things.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Fifty Shades of Ewwww

I'm sorry but this totally counts for numbers 10, 11, and 12.

There are certain kinds of books that you should just buy if you want to read them.  And this proves why.  If it hasn't been mentioned yet I'll mention it now: your friendly library workers always have a bottle of disinfectant within arms reach.

And here is one more small tidbit of interesting information.  Men read tawdry erotica novels at about the same rate as women. 

Say yes to a good read, say no to herpes.  Even if it is only trace amounts.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Smoking Gun and Bubblegum

Number 8:

Smoking is an expensive habit but we do live in a free country and you are more than welcome to smoke to your hearts content.  Well maybe.  Just please don't chain smoke while reading library books.  Quite honestly we probably won't charge you for a smoky smelling book.  But we know in a moment if you're a chain smoker, medium smoker, or light smoker based on the smell and your friendly library worker just prefers books that smell like books.

Number 9:
Bubblegum.  It's tasty, it's bubbly, it's habit forming and it's really hard to get off of books.  Us library people are legitimately thankful for goo gone.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Dog gone it, part 2

This is, hands down, my favorite kind of returned book.  No joke!

Dog training books.

That have been half eaten by a dog!

And I've seen this more times than you would think.  I really do feel bad for the people that are returning them.  They have a misbehaving dog that doesn't seem to be trainable and on top of that they have to pay for the dog training book that said dog ate. 

Just one word of advice; don't put it in the book drop.  We know in a split second that your dog tried to eat the book.  And we're pretty sure that you know you'll have to pay it.  Just bring it to the desk and offer a sincere apology.  Your friendly library worker really does feel your pain even if we do have to charge you.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Dog gone it, part 1

I made a promise.  I promised I wouldn't name names.  So I won't be ratting out any particular person or persons in this post.

6.  Dog eared pages.  Uh huh.  No bookmark so you fold the corners down.  Convenient?  Yes.  But for two reasons this practice should be stopped.  One: fold a corner enough and eventually the corner will just fall off.  Two: your friendly library worker is the one that is unfolding all the folded corners that you forgot you folded and didn't unfold before returning.

Stay tuned for tomorrows post.  Part 2 is a doozy.

Monday, May 5, 2014

I know what you ate last night!

Day 5
Can we talk about eating while reading your library books?  Your friendly librarians can tell, usually, exactly what you were eating.  In this case the culprit is chocolate.  But we've seen it all.  Peanut butter and jelly?  Check.  Coffee?  Check.  Greasy chips?  Check...and crumbs included.  One of the most bizarre ones though has to go to the book that was returned with whole pepperoni included.  Seriously! 

But let's be honest here it's the things we don't recognize that really disturb us.  It's gross enough picking off part of the pizza you were eating for dinner but touching the scuz and not knowing what it is, is hands down worse. 

So if you do eat while reading your library books please follow these simple guidelines:
If the food is greasy or sticky please just wait
Put a lid on any beverages that could tip over
And please, oh please, if you get anything on the book clean it before bringing it back

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Uncensored Saturday

Welcome to uncensored Saturdays.  The day when you get a look into the lives of your friendly (and maybe sometimes not so friendly) library worker.

Today's real truth.

The worst offenders when it comes to overdue books?  Yup.  You guessed right if you said the people who spend most of their week in the library.  We really don't have any good excuse.  We're there all the time and we still can't return our stuff on time.  Sometimes I think they should just garnish our fines from our paychecks.